Hannah Grace Conley

Don't you love when you have those moments where God gently reminds you once again He is in control. A confusing story is about to follow- but hang in there...

About a month ago, I had a check-up with our doctor to see how I had recovered from the miscarriage. I was anxious to hear their findings from the autopsy. My doctor really emphasized that she wanted Stephen & I both to be at the appointment, which I found odd, and complicated. He had so graciously made it a point to be at every appointment up until then, and then with the Ministry Trip to Guatemala in March we were having a hard time making it happen, but finally found a time. We went in and the doctor said, "I have a bomb to drop on you guys." We were wondering, 'What could possibly be worse at this point after what we had just been through?' 'Were we not going to be able to have any more children?' She said, "There was a mistake - Josiah was....not a boy but a GIRL." She said maybe we should have named her Isaac since God had the last laugh. They found she had Turners Syndrome, which you can read more about here. We knew that was one of the possibilities had she made it full-term. The dr. also mentioned that the chances of this condition happening again were like being struck by lightning twice. Of course we know, God could have that in His plan and would still be sovereign. But I guess that was comforting in a small way. And everytime I see a special girl with this condition, it's going to hold a special place in my heart.
As you can imagine, we were shocked with the information, but, yet, found it kind of funny. Here we had been calling this baby Josiah that was a girl all along. It was still the same baby, and everything else, just a girl not a boy. We decided in lieu of this information- that her name would be Hannah Grace. This past month has been awkward in how to handle this information. Do we bother telling everyone and making the correction or just let it go? I guess in our minds we have decided to let it be known, because we feel an attachment to her in a way that is unexplainable and when referring to the baby we want it to be gender-specific. Oh and by the way, they were able to put the correct name on the headstone at the cemetary also. So why is this significant you may wonder? It wouldn't have mattered either way what God chose to give us- He knows what's best. We would've loved a boy or girl. But it was sweet news for several reasons: First, Esther had been praying for a baby sister. We realized God did answer her prayer, but decided it was best for her to be with Him. Second, I had a strong motherly instinct this was a girl, so my suspicions were confirmed (for whatever that was worth). Third, with the condition that Hannah had, my chances of miscarrying were 99%. So God was gracious in that if I was to miscarry it happened earlier not later. God always knows what's best. I still have moments when Satan tempts me to doubt that, and that I'm missing out on something more God might have had for us. And when those moments come, I'm drawn to Job, and when He was doubting God told Job to look Him. The answer was not in looking to others and thinking- someone could have it worse, but looking to God who is infinitely wise and good. So when those times come that I'm missing our little one like the approaching Mother's Day, the due date-August 5, and when I just happen to burst in tears. I can still say, "He gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Job 38:4-10
“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk,or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang togetherand all the sons of God shouted for joy? Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garmentand thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for itand set bars and doors, and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?"