I am delighted to post another guest post from another dear friend of mine, Kate Boyer Brown. I've so enjoyed getting to know her more especially this past year. She is always opening her home to guests and seeking to serve them sacrificially. Here are some of her thoughts:
Last Christmas, my sister-in-law gave me a CD series, “The Heart of Hospitality,” by Nancy Leigh Demoss, which really opened my eyes to the fact that hospitality is not an option. I never realized how much Scripture speaks of hospitality; how seriously God takes it. I was inspired by the practical suggestions she offered to begin practicing hospitality more regularly with the goal of sharing God’s love to my guests, realizing that hospitality can be a powerful vehicle for the gospel and encouragement to the brethren. Nancy suggests that if you aren’t already practicing hospitality, ask God for opportunities and He will provide them. I prayed, and He answered, and my husband can attest to this (ever since I had the courage to inform him of my prayer!)! J Seriously, though, it is a privilege to be able to extend hospitality, even with all the effort and time and expense that can be involved at times and yet feel that you are the one who is most blessed in the process.
By far the most important thing to keep in mind about hospitality is that the heart is the point – not a perfect Martha Stewart-esque presentation. When I am hosting guests, I want my heart to be filled till it overflows on them with God’s love, which is difficult if I am in “Martha vs. Mary” mode, fretting about all the things which still need to be done. Undue preoccupation with preparations also makes it difficult to give your guest the focused attention that will make them feel welcomed and loved.
I’ve been struck by a verse from a passage in 3 John, where John is commending Gaius for his hospitality and love of the brethren, especially strangers. John exhorts him, “…You will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God (vs. 6)”. We are to treat our guests as God would treat them. This has helped me to view hospitality as a ministry of encouraging and honoring others, as an offering to the Lord.
Of course, it’s hard to keep that mindset if I am not preparing in advance. After all, my guests won’t feel comfortable if my house looks like a disaster zone. As soon as overnight guests leave, I wash the linens and remake the beds and get everything ready for the next guests, even if I don’t have any “lined up.” I have had guests on very short notice before, and it is very helpful to have my house ready for them and be able to welcome them without as much extra work. This frees me up to think of the “fun stuff:” the little touches that can make a big difference in making my guests feel welcome. These are just ideas; I don’t include all of them at each visit, and it’s helpful to tailor them for your own guests and their needs.
I also give the disclaimer that at times I have done the opposite of most of these tips, and I’m fairly certain that I was so stressed during the visit of our last company that they could probably sense it, much to my later regret. Like anything else, hospitality is an area for growth for all of us!
“Little Things”
-Plan ahead, plan ahead, plan ahead! Prepare beforehand as much as possible so you are not stressed when company arrives. Remember the focus is to be on making your guests feel welcomed and loved. It’s harder to do that if you’re still racing to sweep the floor and find extra pillows as they’re pulling in the driveway!
-One of my favorite things to do is leave a chocolate on the pillow for each of my overnight guests… specifically a Lindor Truffle by Lindt. J I keep a bag of them on hand (and have so far even resisted the urge to put one on my own pillow). J It’s a small, extremely simple thing to do, but I have yet to see a guest who isn’t delighted by this little touch. I want it to say, “You’re special and we’re glad you’re here!”
-I also like to assemble a basket of goodies for my guests, depending on their needs and length of their stay. Some things to include might be travel-size toothpaste, mouthwash, chocolate (of course!), tissues, aspirin, snacks, bottled water, etc. I have also learned it is helpful to include a cute little tag or note that makes it clear it is for their use. J
-I try to keep on hand some snacks that can easily be served for drop-in guests such as Chex mix, a brownie mix that I can whip up quickly, etc.
-Put yourself in your guest’s shoes. When you are a guest, what makes you feel welcomed, loved, at home, comfortable? Personally, I hate having to ask for things, such as the use of a hair dryer if I haven’t brought my own, so it’s occurred to me that I ought to provide one in my guest bathroom; or towels if they aren’t set out and shown to me. I’ve forgotten personal items before such as toothpaste or contact solution. I like to fully stock my guest bathroom shower with anything they might need and let them know it’s all for their use. Will they need a night light? Alarm clock? I also keep travel-type coffee cups on hand – permanent ones for the use of long-term guests, disposable ones so short-term guests running too late to pick up Starbucks on the way to the airport can take grab coffee and run.
-One guest stayed in my home while I was out of town and felt uncomfortable because I left my house was picture-perfect and she didn’t feel at home until we got home and my toddler resumed living in it as toddlers live. J I know others have been here when it was not tidy enough to feel homey. Strive to have a good balance!
-For repeat guests, make mental notes of preferences they have. I know one guest who doesn’t care for meatloaf; another can’t stand cheese. Several love sweet tea, so I try to always have some ice cold before they arrive. I know certain friends love certain cookies, snacks or desserts, so it’s a nice touch to have those awaiting them (making them ahead of time and freezing them if necessary to maximize your time).
-Keep good reading material in the guest room/area. Sometimes I switch out books or magazines according to interests I know my guests have; other times it’s been purely “coincidental” yet they received a blessing or information they needed from something that “just happened” to be in the night stand.
-Nancy Leigh Demoss shared that she likes to minister to all 5 of her guests’ senses. I have adopted this goal as my own. Some ideas might include:
Touch: Comfortable furniture; soft/textured pillows or throws on sofas; crayons, games and toys for children.
Smell:, coffee brewing; cookies baking; a meal; scented candles (unless you know your guest is highly allergic!); fresh flowers (cut from your garden, if you like).
Sight: tidy rooms; fresh or fresh-looking artificial flowers or centerpieces; wall art, which I like to involve Scripture to minister to the spirits of my guests; ambient lighting (fireplace, candles, etc.).
Sound: quiet background music, such as instrumental hymns or praise/worship music, etc.; windchimes; laughter; prayer; or, according to the need of the moment, silence.
Taste: All things yummy! J Again, it’s fun to make notes of your guests’ preferences for repeat performances.
-Be sensitive to the time schedule of your guests. One time my attempt at a “quick breakfast” was centered around eggs – a nice but quick sit-down hot breakfast – and I realized when she left that cold cereal would’ve been faster since she was in a hurry to get on the road. Unfortunately, my pride in wanting to be “the perfect hostess” prevented me from meeting the needs of my guest as well as I could have.
-Sometimes I fear awkward pauses, as I’m sure many of us do. It’s helpful to think about this beforetime and jot down ideas of questions to ask or topics to introduce with your specific guests. Also, always remember (as I have sometimes forgotten to do) L to pray for God’s blessing on your time together and that your hospitality, home and family will minister God’s love to them. If I focus on loving them as God loves me, awkwardness is far less likely – they become my focus instead of myself!!
-Reminding myself frequently, especially when company invites themselves suddenly, that my home is not for me and my family alone; it is a gift from God, and I am to be a good steward of it and use it to minister to those He brings along as I would minister to Jesus Himself (Matt. 25:34-40).
Finally, remember hospitality is not limited to hosting guests in your home, nor does it have to be overly costly. Stock up on snack items when they are on sale. Make a batch of homemade cookie dough to freeze for unexpected company. And hospitality travels! Bring a meal to someone who has just had a baby, is going through an illness or bereavement, or is moving to town and has all their pots and pans packed away still. Surprise someone with their favorite Starbucks beverage. Take someone out to dinner. Once my husband and I ran into another couple from our church at a restaurant. They noted that our toddler wasn’t with us and commented how good it is for a marriage to go out on a date alone. They left before we did, and as we were finishing our dinner, our waiter came up to us and told us to choose whichever dessert we liked, as the other couple had just paid for it. What a sweet gesture!
Send them on their way in a manner worthy of God, and you will do well!
We're looking forward to spending time with family over this Thanksgiving week. We are truly wanting to emphasize to the cousins (the older ones) why we celebrate Thanksgiving and make it just as meaningful as Christmas. We plan to do that by using some of the resources that were referred to us by The Learning Parent. My mother-n-law gave the kids this book. I picked up this book at Ollies. It is so hard to find resources that emphasize Thanksgiving, but they are out there! We desire to celebrating God's grace in our lives not just this week but year-round. It's so exciting to start creating our own God-centered traditions, now that they're getting old enough to understand these holidays and their significance. One of the traditions is once the food is on the table (and somehow my mom always tries to figure out a way to keep the food hot), my dad always reads a Psalm. We then each go around the table and give a testimony of God's grace in our life over the past year. It will be a little sad this year, as it will be the first time without my Grandpa. For the past 15 years that he lived with my family, he always went last and even though his speech was impaired, he always manged to say, "I'm thankful for Doug & Pam (my parents) for taking care of me, and for Don & Lou that are 'Down Under'. He always got choked up saying that, and we'd be crying with him. So grateful that He is now in heaven and doesn't have to suffer anymore. So we look forward to praising God for how he is working in our life....and Esther is in bed asking when we will wake her up to leave for Nanna's tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving to all!
